SYNOPSIS
John J ‘Predict’On’ Harris lives with his father, drives a bus for a living, and can tell the future.
As his predictions are pinpoint precise and utterly insignificant, the only employment he can find is with an obscure organisation that uses the maths-of-all-things to advise people on what to do with their lives. It’s no wonder that he starts wondering what he ought to do with his, or that he can’t see the answer coming although it’s roughly about the size of a bus.
Just like he can’t see the moral dilemmas, explosions and all that apocalypse. And, tragically, the garden gnomes.
ACCOLADES
“Longer than Animal Farm! Shorter than Catch-22! Written in English like both!”
The Pedantic Science-Fiction Readers’ Society
“The best book I read to date! Couldn’t put it down for seven years!”
Martin G, eventual winner of the Slow Reader First Read Award
“I award myself +23 PSL points for having read the thing so I can advise others not to do it. This way I’m saving them a negative PSL judgement for time wasting. If you don’t know what PSL stands for, it’s obviously something from the novel you don’t have to read anymore. There – I think I’m on +23.8 now. Makes me feel I’m worth something!”
Author’s best friend
“I agree most editors would call The Prophet of Points and Gnomes idiosyncratic, although that is probably the result of deciding to be polite halfway through the word.”
**** ********* *, ex-editor
*name edited out due to ongoing lawsuit
“We know that The Prophet of Points and Gnomes is Mr Anghene’s debut novel in English. We can only hope, for his own sake, that of his readers and of literature in general, that he does the decent thing and makes it his last also.”
Barrister representing the above
“Put the fishbowl down, Mr Anghene! While you may claim the ability to see the future in it, this is a court of law and the law prohibits you from threatening the plaintiff and their legal representative to have it thrown at their heads in the immediate future or otherwise.”
Magistrate
“If the world’s last library hadn’t burnt down at the end of the Last War, I’d have said it remains one of the most mediocre fiction books on foretelling. Certainly one we do not regret losing!”
Hervina Stetbury, Mutant Hunter of the Year 2188
*Yes, the paperback is more expensive than the Kindle version, but:
-you get a physical object you can keep and enjoy in the long night of oblivion that will follow The Great Technological Blackout caused by the Last War;
-the last couple of pages are deliberately left blank for you to jot down your own prophecies;
-I make more money on the royalties from the ebook, so I really shouldn’t have said all this, but there you have it, I can’t help myself, I love paper books.